Sunday, August 7, 2011

Sex on the Beaches-

Provocative title, right?

Me and the lovely Suzanna went to Gulf shores with my family last weekend. It was Emma's first beach trip. She'd been once as a baby, but this was her first time playing in the sand. She LOVED it. I've got to get the pictures from mother, because the ones of her are hilarious. 

Those of you who have met my sweet sister understand what a diva she is. At the beach she turned it on full blast. Anytime Suzy and I got ready to go out or do anything that remotely involved make up, Emma had to be in on it. She has a new found friend in Suzanna. "heeey, Suzy...can I have some make up?" You can't deny this child so naturally Suzanna let her play with her make up brushes. She ran around the condo making everyone look at her.... "LOOK AT ME!!!! I look so ber-ti-fuuuur!" Oh yea. Bertifur. (black at heart)

The best was when we were on the beach and Emma was sitting on the sand at the water's edge. Anyone who has ever been to the beach knows that when you sit there, sand gets all kinds of stuck up in your nooks n' crannies in your bathing suit. Well Emma had had enough of it. She stood up, pulled of her bathing suit bottoms and said "ugh, there's sand in my hiney, I just can't dooo it!" If I could have gotten away with doing it I'd have done the same. When a 4-year-old does it, it's cute. If I did it it's public indecency. Sad day.

In between our Emma adventures Suzanna and I went out on the town in Gulf Shores. 

Since it was my inaugural 21st Birthday Weekend, we hit the bars. The Pink Pony Pub was by far our favorite, despite a few old creepy guys (one of which, I'm almost positive, had plans to lure us into his creeper web of rape/abduction/potential indcution into sex slavery with promises of free alcohol *gag*). One creeper was pretty nice though. I even overlooked him being an LSU fan. After dancing to 80s music we decided to call it a night due to some seriously embarrassing issues I was having.

I'm going to divulge a little secret. I can't poop when I'm away from home. Can't do it. It's like my body just knows it's sitting on a foreign toilet. I've dealt with this unfortunate issue with my intestines for as long as I can remember. I've done everything. Activia. Fiber. All that stuff. Nothing works for any extended period of time. So when I go away I have to ready myself to be uncomfortable most of the trip... Ugh, going to Jamaica for two weeks was very close to torture. 

That being said I was prepared for this weekend. I was determined to poop. I refused to look all bloated with a food baby on the beach. So my bright idea was to take a laxative (or 4) before going to the bar. I figured if that in conjunction with alcohol didn't do it, nothing would. Well.... let's just say it kicked in. I sent my mother a text (she was so sweet and acted as our DD that night) that she needed to get there ASAP! We all but ran away from creeper #2 and hopped in the car. Aside from being a little let down by having to leave the bar early, I was pretty excited about going to the bathroom. I'll end my story here because the rest of that night was the most horrible night of my life. 

Never. Again.

Anypoo. Sorry.... Anywho, we also went to the Hangout and heard this really good cover band. The actual place itself was just ok. It would have been more fun with a group of people to go with.

We also went to Flora-Bama. It was yet another place that was fun, but would have been better with a group of people. We were always on Creeper Alert. Sometimes being a girl sucks. You can't just have that wreckless abandon kind of fun unless you have a body guard or look like a body guard. 

Our last day there Suzanna really really wanted snow crab legs. So we rode all the way out to east freaking buddah to go to this restaurant. I was ready to be home, but I was game. Besides I hadn't really had any seafood yet either. Our dining experience was a bit shocking to say the least. I ordered shrimp. I expected to have to peel it. However I didn't expect it to be staring at me.

Once I got over PePe the Shrimp and his family staring at me, my lunch was actually pretty yummy. Now. The highlight of my Gulf Shores Trip......

My B.E.A.U-tiful new Coach purse. Let's just say, I'm in love. ahhh. I'm a very happy camper. Thank you madre for being way awesome. She got a purse too, but *shhhh* mines prettier :) 

Well that's our trip pretty much. I'll leave y'all with a few more pictures and the Teaches of Peaches song that was the inspiration to my post's title.

Suzanna had some Photo Booth fun.