Sunday, August 7, 2011

Sex on the Beaches-

Provocative title, right?

Me and the lovely Suzanna went to Gulf shores with my family last weekend. It was Emma's first beach trip. She'd been once as a baby, but this was her first time playing in the sand. She LOVED it. I've got to get the pictures from mother, because the ones of her are hilarious. 

Those of you who have met my sweet sister understand what a diva she is. At the beach she turned it on full blast. Anytime Suzy and I got ready to go out or do anything that remotely involved make up, Emma had to be in on it. She has a new found friend in Suzanna. "heeey, Suzy...can I have some make up?" You can't deny this child so naturally Suzanna let her play with her make up brushes. She ran around the condo making everyone look at her.... "LOOK AT ME!!!! I look so ber-ti-fuuuur!" Oh yea. Bertifur. (black at heart)

The best was when we were on the beach and Emma was sitting on the sand at the water's edge. Anyone who has ever been to the beach knows that when you sit there, sand gets all kinds of stuck up in your nooks n' crannies in your bathing suit. Well Emma had had enough of it. She stood up, pulled of her bathing suit bottoms and said "ugh, there's sand in my hiney, I just can't dooo it!" If I could have gotten away with doing it I'd have done the same. When a 4-year-old does it, it's cute. If I did it it's public indecency. Sad day.

In between our Emma adventures Suzanna and I went out on the town in Gulf Shores. 

Since it was my inaugural 21st Birthday Weekend, we hit the bars. The Pink Pony Pub was by far our favorite, despite a few old creepy guys (one of which, I'm almost positive, had plans to lure us into his creeper web of rape/abduction/potential indcution into sex slavery with promises of free alcohol *gag*). One creeper was pretty nice though. I even overlooked him being an LSU fan. After dancing to 80s music we decided to call it a night due to some seriously embarrassing issues I was having.

I'm going to divulge a little secret. I can't poop when I'm away from home. Can't do it. It's like my body just knows it's sitting on a foreign toilet. I've dealt with this unfortunate issue with my intestines for as long as I can remember. I've done everything. Activia. Fiber. All that stuff. Nothing works for any extended period of time. So when I go away I have to ready myself to be uncomfortable most of the trip... Ugh, going to Jamaica for two weeks was very close to torture. 

That being said I was prepared for this weekend. I was determined to poop. I refused to look all bloated with a food baby on the beach. So my bright idea was to take a laxative (or 4) before going to the bar. I figured if that in conjunction with alcohol didn't do it, nothing would. Well.... let's just say it kicked in. I sent my mother a text (she was so sweet and acted as our DD that night) that she needed to get there ASAP! We all but ran away from creeper #2 and hopped in the car. Aside from being a little let down by having to leave the bar early, I was pretty excited about going to the bathroom. I'll end my story here because the rest of that night was the most horrible night of my life. 

Never. Again.

Anypoo. Sorry.... Anywho, we also went to the Hangout and heard this really good cover band. The actual place itself was just ok. It would have been more fun with a group of people to go with.

We also went to Flora-Bama. It was yet another place that was fun, but would have been better with a group of people. We were always on Creeper Alert. Sometimes being a girl sucks. You can't just have that wreckless abandon kind of fun unless you have a body guard or look like a body guard. 

Our last day there Suzanna really really wanted snow crab legs. So we rode all the way out to east freaking buddah to go to this restaurant. I was ready to be home, but I was game. Besides I hadn't really had any seafood yet either. Our dining experience was a bit shocking to say the least. I ordered shrimp. I expected to have to peel it. However I didn't expect it to be staring at me.

Once I got over PePe the Shrimp and his family staring at me, my lunch was actually pretty yummy. Now. The highlight of my Gulf Shores Trip......

My B.E.A.U-tiful new Coach purse. Let's just say, I'm in love. ahhh. I'm a very happy camper. Thank you madre for being way awesome. She got a purse too, but *shhhh* mines prettier :) 

Well that's our trip pretty much. I'll leave y'all with a few more pictures and the Teaches of Peaches song that was the inspiration to my post's title.

Suzanna had some Photo Booth fun.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Whew, well I feel better -

So yea, I'm well aware my last post was a bit angry. Ok it was the ravings of a bitter/jealous lady. But not jealous for the reasons most people think. I'll not go into it, but just be assured that I don't reek of desperation quite as much as it may seem.

Well, moving on....

Let me update you on my life, or at least a bit of it because a lot has happened actually. After I got out of school for the summer Ive spent a quality amount of time searching for a job. The hunt continues. I'll not post about my job hunt today. It'll just put me in a bad mood. blech. I'll start with my favorite subject.

Me and Emma have had some serious bonding time over the summer. Here's a little bit of Emma & Sister fun.

Those last few were from my birthday dinner with dad. For those of you who didn't know, I turned 21 on Monday! Woop woop! I had a blast, well from what I can remember I had a blast and everyone else told me I had a lot of fun/ was a lot of fun. haha....yea.

I started of my Birthday Bonnanza with a pedicure courtesy of my lovely father, thanks James!

Birthday Toes @ Pretty Please Nail Salon
I then went shopping and got this awesome dress. I forgot to take a picture of it before I put it in the wash today. My bad. But I also don't have all my pictures from that night so you only get a super small preview. That night me, my lovely Singer friends, the roomies, my oldest friend suzanna, and my friend Nick all met at my house for a small pre-game. Let's just say my friends are either really horrible or really great influences. I'm not sure which. We then went to Skybar for some good karaeoke fun! Man was it ever!

There are a few more picutres of me and suzy, but I look crazy as hell and refuse to let everyone see them. I wish I'd gotten a picture of me and the girl from Fly By Radio. I totally recognized her through my haze of inebriation. In my mind I was being friendly, in reality I was just that drunk girl. But she was so so nice and when I told her she'd given me tequila one time at her show when I snuck in with a fake id she thought that was hilarious. She then proceeded to buy me tequila shots. That's around the point where I don't remember things.

Luckily Nick is a saint. Seriously. He brought me home, dealt with my drunkeness and made sure I didn't die. Although for some reason I ended up in my roommate Alana's bed with the cat curled up behind my knees. Talk about a shock when I woke up. Literally didn't know where I was for a minute. But I suppose that's what 21st birthdays are all about. However, Tuesday was one of the most miserable days of my life. I still can't think of *cringe* tequila with out wanting to throw up. (Let the record show I did NOT get sick Monday night though, thank you very much)

Well I suppose that's enough for today. I'll continue playing catch-up this week with this blog....sorry I forgot about it. But I did give fair warning that I would. But before I leave, I'll leave you with a song. I heard it on the radio the other day and it's been stuck in my head every since. It's catchy, watch out. :)

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

It's been a while, sorry -

Ok so. I know I've been MIA for quite a while and as much as I'd love to say it's because I've been oh-so-very busy, I can't. In fact ever since I got done with my mini-mester at the end of June I have literally done nothing but sit on my ass. Well I have been looking for a job, but given that that is proving damn near impossible....

I do plan on catching you all up on my super interesting life (note the sarcasm), but first I'd like to rant on just how much I hate people sometimes. Specifically, boys. Really just boys. I hate them. Mainly the ones I try to become romantically involved with.

It's really quite pointless. I just need to face the facts, I'm going to be a cat lady. Or a bag lady. Or maybe I'll just become the crazy aunt that smokes too much, has really long fake nails, always wears fake eyelashes and may or may not be perpetually intoxicated. Yea that definitely sounds more my style.

But this isn't a pity party. Oh no. It's a rant to all the stupid boys, all my "Peter in the Parks" if you will, that suck. Why pretend to be nice? Or feign interest and then act completely shocked when someone wants commitment? hm? Now I know as the superior sex it's up to us females to spell things out to you poor lowly dullards out there, but this is ridiculous. If you treat me like a girlfriend, talk to me like a girlfriend I'm probably going to assume I'm your girlfriend. So if this is not your intention then please god, just stop sending out signals. Don't be such a dick. You cant have the best of both worlds. You can't have me as this way awesome friend that never asks anything of you and never starts drama AND you don't have any serious ties to. Fuck that shit. Buck up men of the world. State your intentions and mean them. I do.

See I've dated this guy, let's call him "Peter." His way of breaking things off with me was via a text the day before an 8 a.m. class to tell me that he just "can't give me what I want." Which at that point was peaceful sleep. Thanks so much for the consideration asshole. So clearly I'm bewildered and distraught. But after some heavy justification/rationalization, it made sense...kind of. I'm in no place to date someone seriously. I'm totally fine by myself. So self-sufficient (right?).

So the so-called relationship ended with his need for freedom. He still wanted his time to roam around - the lone wolf. Well cool. You go roam around mister. More power to ya'. Oh and of course there was the age old favorite "it's not you it's me" line and in like "10 years we can come back to each other and be what each other needs...." *barf* But ok. I'm cool with that too. Thanks for the honesty....

But alas, in only one short month guess who's in a steady relationship? Better yet in a relationship with someone who I thought of as an ally, or at the very least a comrade in arms in the crusade against assholes. Yep. The Asshole. This really is doing wonders for my self-esteem. What happened to the lone wolf? Does this still mean you're coming back in 10 years? Am I supposed to like wait around....? Is there a pamphlet or a cypher I can use to decode all the mixed messages anywhere? No? Awesome.

I can deal with all of that bullshit. I really can. Assholes are dime-a-dozen. What I can't handle is the same thing happening to me over and over again.

See the thing is, I'm kind of awesome. No really. I am. I have one year left in college. After I graduate I'm going to go and do stuff with my life...not really sure what yet, but I'm definitely going to do something. I like being productive. I also like facilitating productivity in others. Well this kumkwat like so many others have done, literally decided to trade me in for a newer less efficient model. I'm going to say it's because my success scares him. He's always been insecure.

Which baffles me. Why on earth is it that so many guys I come across are so intimidated by my success and drive that they all but run away? It's like I can be good for anybody, but finding someone good for me isn't allowed. All preparation, no H. Damn. The obvious solution to my predicament would be to find someone just as motivated and date that one. Here in lies a problem.... they're gay, taken or totally uninterested in me. Usually just totally uninterested in me. Probably because all of my "awesome" often comes across as "bitch." I don't see why though. It's not like I'm the one ranting on my blog about how men suck while all of my wrongdoers are out galavanting around getting into all these new relationships or anything.

So I guess I should have clarified that not all guys are lowlife manipulative assholes that do anything they can to make you feel bad about yourself when in reality they are the fucked up ones that lack the ability to show loyalty, much less monogamy......not all of them just most of the ones I've encountered.

Sorry there weren't any pretty pictues I could post to keep you entertained. It's just the ravings of a pissed off bitter lady. I'll try and give you a proper update tomorrow complete with pretty pictures and funny anecdotes.  Until then....